Life in the Past lane

     As I get older, as we all do, I find some of the situations which used to really embarrass me don’t even phase me anymore.  I am not sure if it’s because I am beyond being shocked,  or watch too much TV, or not enough—or if I’m just getting a tad more comfortable with my eccentricities than is good for us all.  Example today:  I had errands to do, you know the deal, go to the bank,  the post office,  the pet fetishistic paraphernalia specialty store, topped off by what every responsible cheap-assed American does when the rubber hits the road on an off day: do a total thorough examination of one of the more prominent and potentially bizarre and eclectic discount stores on our end of Austin, Texas.

      Another thing I’ve noticed about getting older is it sure does take allot more time to turn that old hag you see in the mirror in the morning, while brushing one’s teeth, into an acceptable run of the mill, decent looking, non suspicious person, who won’t make the security overseer go into a state of panic as I enter into a given premises.  This requires fairly good hygiene, the application of make up for the greater good of humanity in my heart, and the sometimes all too much time consuming co-ordinating of an ” outfit” depending on  what, or who ever I am trying to pretend to be, at a given moment: (such as Miss Marple’s older sister , the one who’s a floozy,but has a pleasant and investigative nature and no spinach between her teeth.)  All supplies (purse, keys, sanitary wipes, 1st aid kit, fake FBI credentials (just kidding), enough water to NOT die of heat prostration if the outing is extended (this is Texas after all), paper towels for when I slop my cola all over my shirt, and mood enhancing CD’s, are to be gathered and taken along in an attractive tote.  I am not talking certificates of Deposits here, but that would be good too.  Today I listened to Hank Williams and Roky Erickson, both fine artist inspiring a very calm and stoic attitude, that was the mode of the day’s duties.

     Frankly, these trips of mine to the netherworld of mundane manna, can really take it out of an old lady such as my self.  However, it is important to stay on top of one’s personal business, as well as be aware of the fashion trends.  Today’s jaunt into the discount store, took more time than one might imagine it would, however many things of note, and people of interest where acknowledged, as I perrused the isles.  I managed to find a remarkable bargain on a designer suit for my daughter, who is in her twenties and cleans up very nicely, when she is not trying to emulate a Hispanic Biker Chic.  Not that this is necessarily a bad thing to be, but is, indeed, some times not the appropriate choice, when applying for a respectable job, as she is in the process of doing these days.  Actually the suit that I purchased for her today would be perfectly socially acceptable for attending my funeral, if and when I keel over dead of heat prostration, as this is Texas, and this is summer ( a nasty combination that.)  I try to find multi purpose items while shopping. Accessories are the key to changing the look of a single classic simple suit into many possibilities; like if she’s at the funeral: a simple black lace head dress and black simple cloth-or leather bag would be nice, with sensible shoes.  If she’s going for the Hispanic Biker Chick look, no problemo there either– with the right revealing corset-styled camisole, black patent stilettos, and ‘Red’ Purse (which I also purchased for her, knowing the reality of her taste), she’s ‘got the look you want to know better’, as well. That little clue puts me in my generation gap, as though it was a crater.

       But the importance of multiple usage fashion is clearly shown, for instance,  last spring, when we purchased two re-usable ice packs that strap on to one’s appendages, when last I had knee replacement surgery.  These are ingenious for many fashionable statements, depending on one’s other accessories. (Example, as my knee was beginning to swell some during my Discount Romp, and I had the good sense to bring it along in the small ice chest in my ‘mother-ship’ station wagon,  and thus I decided to wear one of said items on that knee, while roaming through the store, which gave me a jaunty, although somewhat curious lump just to the south of my skirt, as well as helping with the swelling.  The product is blue with a heavy elastic band that is adequately long enough to wrap a couple of times around my leg, or it can also be worn as a head band, as I just did, when answereing the door for the construction contractor who is repeatably and with out remorse, hammering into the exterior of our home, even as we speak. Not only does it look ‘hippy chic’ but helps with the resulting head ache.  He made no comment on this fashion statement, as, believe me, he’s seen worse from inside these walls.  There was a time, when I was in my twenties, that even the idea of wearing something like that in public ,would have caused a great deal of dubious dread. There is a plus side to this, however: think of how embarrassed my daughter will be when I come to visit her tomorrow, in the same get up-head band and knee wrap included.  These are the real revenge moments that make a geezers’ life grand.

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