Archive for the ‘True and Unfortunate Stories’ Category

Wednesday, August 29th, 2012
Bernake wants you to vote republican so he can focus on his harmonica playing

Ben Bernanke focuses on smelling his roses and wiping us out with his harmonica playing

11. Don’t you hate that added 3rd party existention?…Well so did BettyJane

Wednesday, May 11th, 2011

     When we first encountered my very favorite childhood doll, Betty Jane, she had been missing from the household for some time, approximently 55 years.  Thou she had been carefully attended to by my mother, untill my parents moved to Salado, Texas.  I truely became reaquaninted with Betty Jane, after finding her in a footlocker, where she had been cruelly enclosed for many years, and the hands of time had laid waste to many of my dolls and stuffed animals, due to mold and happenstance, when among the whole bunch seemingly uneffected was good old Betty Jane.  So I cleaned her up, a tad, and set her on the shelf next to my computer, where she seemed to be most attentive.  As you may recall, she managed to hit the escape key on that computer and say something to me again, like she used to do in my child hood: “Hey, You, what’s your problem?  Where in the —- am I and where is the Fox Man?”  To which I replyed, in amazement, “what’s it to you?” She gave me her most prim look and commented on how much the music sucked,etc.  and “where was Caroline O’Hineyhine? ”  Unfortunatly, that had been one of my least favorite nicknames as a child.  Anyway, it took her quite a while to realize though she was the same,  I had changed so much after our last encounter. 

     She had some fairly cool times with me for awhile untill I could tell she was getting to be bored with my existence, and she felt it was time for her to move to a new base or something.  Next thing I knew, she was gone from our house, me with my hat in my hands and a quizical expression of doom.   But after a few months, from out of the entrance way of our home, there she was, singing ” One Love, One heart, lets get together and we’ll be alright.”  This I recognized as a Bob Marely song, and yep; you got it…her hair was in dread locks, she had on old shorts andsome shirt that was even more rank than her old dress I found her in which  had not been washed in over 50 years.  Yowsa! Just when you get used to things being a certain way, things tend to change as per usual, and with Betty Jane,  Chaos reigned as always…

Although she did from time to time tell me of how she had been abducted by aliens, little did I know at the time, there were a plethera of them all over the house.  And not those guys with the big heads and googlieeyes, not E. T. or his like, they were small representatives of ” Star Trek, the Next Generation.” all over our house in some form or another.  So, at a time when I found these action figures, etc. quite entertaining. from a TV Show, long since gone…there was Betty Jane, making plans and making friends with the whole lot.  I should have known.  I’ts one thing to go from having changed her beliefs from that of a Rastafarian into a Republican, but Betty Jane always seemed to amaze me by her ablilty to confront the here and now and at the same time

 confront the where and how that shouldn’t be known, ot even noticed by a mere doll.

     During her Republican phase,she seemed quite compelled, and to the point of fanaticizm to be a card carring Republican, right down to the Big Texas Smile and slightly out of fasion clothing.quite matronly in her appearance, which is no easy deal for some one designed to remain as an eight year old for the rest of time.   But there she was, with her just so matching shoes and handbag, addressing envelopes to various indiviuals .  She would from time to time have “meetings” with her Republican friends for  these”think tank” formal sort of discussions.  She was quite advanced in here education andthinking, having been around politicians for quite some time, and was aware of deplomatic relations considering her many covert missions, when she and Foxie were in the Private Investigator profession…back in the 1050’s.

      My Uncle, who has passed on from this earth alas, was her mentor in thought, and a U.S. Congressman,  Although he was a Democarat, she was particularly impressed by his manners and style, his honesty, and his patience.  Betty Jane, quite extroverted in her youth, had changed in her behavior, becomming more and more of an introvert and a book worm and history buff. Her dialogs with me and the cats, were always quite serious, to the point and issue; and Betty Jane was able to back up her statements and opinions with references to books  she’d read, and parts of the United States Constitution, that she kept taped up on the refrigerator, in caseof a radical statement, that was not to her direction in train of thought.  She would get up from the table and peruse this document, untill she could ‘detail’ the argument so it began to direct the opinion of the seated toward her particular point or belief.  Though, her train of thought often derailed out into what most would seem the twilight zone, but it was not thought to be defined as such by my me or my Uncle,may he rest in peace, though most serious politicians would hardly notice something brought up by a little girl, or a teenager, much less a defiant doll.  Politics was something always discussed with interest and humour at our dinner table, when I  (Caroline O’Hiny Hine) was younger living with my parents.   However these days andtimes, there is no such “dinner table,” I must confess.  My husband considers this computer desk and his favorite companion (You know who here) as his dining place.  And I eat were ever the view seems better and my cats are not able to reach my dinner plate, unless it is left unattended.  Betty Jane, as you can tell is a tad anorexic, in that her slim and childlike figure is part of her image, as an entertainer.  She watches our dinners with interest or at least she did when she was back living with us for that particular term  required by the powers that be, of proper deportment, and social acceptability.  Soon, she became bored with our geezerly ways (no debating of politics, her favorite, at dinner time, or “movie star-scandals and slander” her 2nd best topic of interest.)

     She became more and more fascinated with our cats (beasts that they are) and the” here and there “Star Trek” action figures we had displayed around the house.  Her Favorite persona;  was “Data” in his costume as Sherlock Holmes.  He played the violin quite beautifully, perfect in pitch and timing but with no deviation from the timing or mode he chose, his pace and perfection were quite charming in fact if not for their being quite so perfectly correct and constant;  I found that mechanical quality quite annoying as was most of his playing, but even that was to Betty Jane’s liking.  Having  such a dependable, inquisitive friend for her house mate became quite a problem for the humans herein.  But the Cats enjoyed Betty Jane’s activities, as action was always at play with her, and they tended to have a serious fascination and quest for Data’s Sherlock  Holmes’  hat, which has since disappeared. One of my male Siamese cats, Elmo ( named for Elmo Lincoln, the actor who first portrayed Tarzan)was once caught hauling Data around by the back of his jacket in a most devious manner, though when quizzed he appeared to have no real malicious actions intended toward Data.  Perhaps he simply had some questions for that particular fellow that he needed answered in private.  However, as I had witnessed some of Elmo’s altercations with the other cats and the toilet paper roll, I suspected the worst and managed to capture both, with out incident.  In truth Elmo’s behavior tends to be rather questionable with regard to the inert or non living things in the house.  He has managed to ruin two nice new chairs and chew up several important papers of mine, however something about his countenance and manner is ever so innocent.  In truth he is a mother’s boy, much to his unmanly embarrassment.  He is quite definitely the alpha cat in residence, or at least the most mischievous of the lot.  He was known to sleep on top of a wicker trunk with Betty Jane, which at first seemed so cozy and lovely to look at.  However, after some time I suspected they were setting up a plot of some nefarious notion, certainly her specialty.

     Once I witnessed a strange but fascinating conversation she had with Elmo and Data about philosophy, especially existentialism; which we all know has to do with the notion popularized in France after World War II.   Data said existentialism was supposed to be a cult of nihilism and pessimism, and that we blame this on some dude named Jean-Paul Sartre. ( I always wondered if he was kin to Jan-Paul Van Dam?  Guess not.)  Anyway, while Data clamed existestentialism was such that everyone exists as an individual in a purposefulless universe, he must oppose his hostile environment through the exercise of free will.  Betty Jane on the other hand, declared with great imperativeness that “this attitude was not only ridiculous, but unchristian.”    Where as having read and taken in a popular Christian must read at that time, supposing all was in the hands of God and pre-determined,  Betty Jane turned to Data, who was unfortunate to being about half her size, and sided-kicked him with her good leg.  Elmo, whose phylosophy at the time was some what akin to if it moves, it probably needs to be pounced on.  With that in mind, Elmo got Data by the head and went for the front door, which at the tme was ajar, as the mail-personage had just delivered a package, and while I was signing some form, they took off for the outdoor world.       ( part two: tomorrow evening)